The Greatest Loss

On June 21, 2021, at 9:20 PM the light in the eyes of my wife, Christina Iren Horvath, ceased to shine. Her family was with her: our two daughters, Livia and Raquel, and me. She will be greatly missed; she was a beacon in our lives.

While she was taking her last breaths of life Raquel was playing her clarinet, and Livia was comforting her telling her that we were there, that she was not alone, I was holding her hand. In the last second, I felt her grip getting slightly tighter, then a slow release as two big pearls came down her cheeks and her breathing stopped. I think that she was sad that she was leaving us, that we will miss her.

I am very proud of our girls and I know that Christina, as a new angel in the firmament, is also proud of them.

We lost Christina to Glioblastoma (GBM) a very aggressive type of brain cancer. All GBMs types are grade IV and, as of today, there is no cure for it.

The objective of this blog is to honor my family and the memory of my wife Christina. I will write about some highlights of her journey since she was diagnosed in February 2020. I will also write about the things I wanted to do, things we did, our lives together, how we met, and our story, how it matured and reached divine heights.

I used to tell my wife that I dreamt of her when I was a child and that is the reason she existed, and I existed to accompany her through every road she was going to take no matter how sweet or difficult.

Perhaps this blog will help me heal her loss, but that is not why I am writing it. I write because that way I bring her alive again in my mind. My children will read it and will learn about their mother and will understand the way they are today because she forged them that way.

I will write it all

Comments

It's been a Long Time Since I've Seen Her

To our daughters; I learned so much from your mother! She was my lover and my bosom friend. The summer of 1992 was running in earnest and Mom and I were escaping every day to many different places around the mainland. We were having the time of our lives! At the end of the summer, I did not have a penny left but was the happiest man alive! Mom had a white 1989 Chevrolet Cavalier station wagon. Her car smelled like a wet dog, Sam, her dog, was the main passenger before she met me. That car would break down every 100 kilometers or so and would run out of gas as soon as the gas red light went on, and guess who had to push; your Dad! But, we were like peas and carrots and as happy as they came. You always tell me - " Dad, you know strange old words and expressions no one uses these days! " Your mom is responsible for that! I learned what a "Sea Shanty" is in that white Cavalier listening to CBC radio. The station had a show on sai...

Dear Love

Dear Love, Forgive me, it has been a while since I have written to you. It is not for the lack of news; home is buzzing with events typical of growing pains and gaining experience. For me, it is just about missing your hands, warm body, your words; missing planning something to do together. I must admit, you always had the best ideas. Recently I became a Master Chef , but not the kind of chef popular among all ages; oh, no! I cook your dishes, daring, adventurous, and full of flavor! I set the table and see you on your chair , right opposite to mine displaying my favorite smile, approving the dinner. I remember when you made Spaghetti Tomato Bassilic for the first time. You thought that I was not going to like it. Boy, were you in for a surprise! It became my favorite dinner! You made it for me. What a treat! Oh, Christina, you were the wife I always wanted to have! The fact that we found each other mad...

The Daily

The most difficult aspect of losing a spouse is keeping the daily sanity balance. We all experience this in different ways and there is no prescription or magic recipe to make things better all of a sudden. It is not possible. You might hear from friends and family members that one needs to move on, that there is nothing we can do, that life on earth is for the living, and so on. I understand the words but what I feel, based on my own experience is hard, it hurts. We live through all of these, but it is a balancing act. It is especially challenging for parents. We have two daughters, they are 18 and 21 years old. No one is ready to lose their mother at an early age. For them, it continues to be very difficult. I have noticed that they grieve differently. One of them has addressed the loss of her mother head-on while the other embraced the situation stoically by herself. I did not try to change her...

My Family After Tragedy

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