If Wishes Were Horses

On the evening of May 12th, just after we finished dinner, Christina settled into her favorite reclining chair. This was her sanctuary—a place where she would meditate for hours, sometimes drifting off to sleep. I'd often go to her, gently caress her forehead, and she would respond with a quiet smile, her eyes fluttering open. But on this night, there was no response. She seemed to be in a very deep sleep. "Rest, Christina," I thought, and I went back to the kitchen to do the dishes.

The quiet was broken by our older daughter, Livia. "Dad, Mom's nose is bleeding."

"It's a side effect," I said, my hands still wet from the sink. "The Avastin can do that."

Livia's voice was filled with worry. "What if it's not? Should we call 911?"

I wanted to avoid the emergency room and the risk of COVID, so I decided to call the on-call oncologist first. "Let's see what the doctor says," I told her. "You can go ahead and wake her up and clean her nose."

The oncologist called back right away. They confirmed the nosebleed was expected, but I also told them that Christina was more lethargic than usual. I mentioned that she'd stopped taking dexamethasone two days earlier and wondered if she should start again. The doctor agreed, but gave us a warning: if the bleeding didn't stop or if she became unconscious, we should take her to the emergency room.

That conversation gave us a brief, fragile sense of hope. We wanted to believe she was going to be okay. But soon after, my wife fell completely silent and unresponsive. The paramedics came, and we rushed her to the hospital. The CAT scan showed no new bleeding, but it did show more growth. We had to make a difficult decision: increase her corticosteroids to the maximum dose and move her to the palliative care ward.

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The Planner 00Iren

When I tell my daughters that their mother was amazing, I am not sure they grasp the magnitude of her stature. They tell me – “Yes dad, we know”. I remember the day I saw Christina the first time. It was in the halls of the chemistry department of Simon Fraser University. We both entered this long hallway at the same time, in opposite directions, in white lab coats, and we had the opportunity to take a good look at each other. When we passed our eyes crossed. She kept walking without turning but I looked back to see her disappear into one of the laboratories. “ Wow, I do not have a remote chance with that girl! ” Years later, after we reunited in Vancouver, she told me that she thought the same "- He is going to make a woman very happy one day" - She told me that she had no idea that it was going to be her. After I received the ultimatum letter from Canada Immigration, I was left with no option but to escape to the United States and avoid deportation and possible impriso...

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A thousand pictures, scattered wide, Moments frozen, side by side. Laughter, sunsets, faces bright, Fleeting echoes caught in light. Yet in the haze of time's embrace, Only three still hold their place. One of love, so pure, so true, One of loss, a tear in blue. One of hope—a flame so small, Yet the dearest one of all. Yes, you have guessed right; I was not having a perfect moment then I discovered these pictures in my Blogger picture drive; fresh air from the past. I will sleep with a smile tonight.

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