Skip to main content

Blood Wine

 


It has been 11 months...

Today, like every month, I sat next to my wife and unleashed memories, like tornadoes with their own breathing pattern, their own heartbeat; powerful and full of energy.  I played my trumpet; my own version of "Silence".  After June 21st, 2021, I decided to do something for my beloved and selected the task of playing the trumpet.

As the hour approached; we watched an old family film. My wife was absolutely gorgeous; the most beautiful woman the sun has seen, she was mine.  Many years ago when our daughters were very young we went to "Dinotown", a dinosaur theme park in Chilliwack.  We had a great time that day and I captured the festive mood with our movie camera.  I remember the smell of the grass and the fragrance of my wife's skin baked by the sun.

At the hour; I lit her candles and cried...

I felt mad with rage.  Why did she have to leave?  A piece of paper was near me and I picked it up to allow my fury to flow uncontrollable and wrote this:


I drink blood wine, dark, bitter,

Drowning my soul will not help me forget.

Blood wine, blood wine,

Hurts as it runs through my insides,

Prisoner of this silence burning thick and constant.

Blood wine, blood wine,

The flames of your memories hug me hard,

To thirst for your presence,

Rage at your departure, I cannot control it.

Blood wine, blood wine.


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's been a Long Time Since I've Seen Her

To our daughters; I learned so much from your mother!  She was my lover and my bosom friend.    The summer of 1992 was running in earnest and Mom and I were escaping every day to many different places around the mainland.  We were having the time of our lives!  At the end of the summer, I did not have a penny left but was the happiest man alive! Mom had a white 1989 Chevrolet Cavalier station wagon.  Her car smelled like a wet dog, Sam, her dog, was the main passenger before she met me.  That car would break down every 100 kilometers or so and would run out of gas as soon as the gas red light went on, and guess who had to push; your Dad!  But, we were like peas and carrots and as happy as they came. You always tell me - " Dad, you know strange old words and expressions no one uses these days! " Your mom is responsible for that! I learned what a "Sea Shanty" is in that white Cavalier listening to CBC radio.   The station had a show on sai...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dear Love

  Dear Love, Forgive me, it has been a while since I have written to you.  It is not for the lack of news; home is buzzing with events typical of growing pains and gaining experience.  For me, it is just about missing your hands, warm body, your words; missing planning something to do together.  I must admit, you always had the best ideas. Recently I became a Master Chef , but not the kind of chef popular among all ages; oh, no!  I cook your dishes, daring, adventurous, and full of flavor!  I set the table and see you on your chair , right opposite to mine displaying my favorite smile, approving the dinner.   I remember when you made Spaghetti Tomato Bassilic for the first time.  You thought that I was not going to like it.  Boy, were you in for a surprise!  It became my favorite dinner!  You made it for me.  What a treat! Oh, Christina, you were the wife I always wanted to have!  The fact that we found each other mad...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Daily

  The most difficult aspect of losing a spouse is keeping the daily sanity balance.   We all experience this in different ways and there is no prescription or magic recipe to make things better all of a sudden.  It is not possible.  You might hear from friends and family members that one needs to move on, that there is nothing we can do, that life on earth is for the living, and so on.  I understand the words but what I feel, based on my own experience is hard, it hurts.  We live through all of these, but it is a balancing act. It is especially challenging for parents.   We have two daughters, they are 18 and 21 years old.  No one is ready to lose their mother at an early age.  For them, it continues to be very difficult.  I have noticed that they grieve differently.  One of them has addressed the loss of her mother head-on while the other embraced the situation stoically by herself.   I did not try to change her...
Post a Comment
Read more